I recreated a tinder because I’m so bored and lonely lately but I think I’m gonna come to regret that decision
I miss making out. I wanna do more of that. It’s really cold right now and I really want pie. Also someone to cuddle and make me warm. A giant ass dog would be a fair substitute for a hot warm guy. I should probably sleep. I am a mess right now.
kinda tipsy and celebrating my stellar and cleavage, wish there were hot guys around to appreciate my splendor
[10/15/14, 8:58:41 PM] Mia: there are so many hot british guys on my tv
[10/15/14, 8:58:47 PM] Mia: and no hot british guys next to me
[10/15/14, 8:58:52 PM] Mia: and that is an utter tragedy
[10/15/14, 8:58:59 PM] Mia: we all deserve hot british guys, don’t you agree?
And now all star by smashmouth is playing so yeah even if today sucks customer wise the tunes are good and that’s what really matters
I made myself pancakes, bacon, and an egg for breakfast and the cotton-eyed joe just played at work (I just barely restrained myself from dancing along) so I’m hoping those are signs for an excellent day
I am the most depressed I have felt in such a long time. It’s like I can feel the apathy and numbness hovering around the edges slowly creeping into my life. depression is like a fog, to me, and right now I can see the mist rolling in and I don’t know what to do. I am so scared. I don’t want to go back to where I’ve been. I feel like I’m doing everything right, or at least doing most things right and working towards making healthier choices and improving
But I’m not getting better. I’m not happy. It’s an upward battle and for a while I felt like I’d won. For a very long while. And now the battle has started again and I don’t want to fight and that’s even worse because if I don’t fight I just lose. And when I lose it’s awful. I am afraid to talk to people about it. I’m so upset. I can’t sleep but I’m always tired and everything is making me cry and I’ve been having anxiety attacks and I’m always shaky and I’ve been here and I’ve done this and I’ve moved past it. I don’t want to be empty again. I want to feel.
I feel alone. I feel like I have no friends. And I know that’s not true, I know it, but I have not seen anyone besides family and coworkers in so long. I don’t even have conversations with the people who I consider to be my closest friends anymore. And not for lack of trying. I know people have their own shit to deal with but it doesn’t make it any easier to know that I have nobody right now.
I just want to be held. I want to curl up in bed and not come out for days. I want to hide and I want to sob and scream and work up a rage just so I know that I’m still able to feel but I can’t seem to and I feel so fucking helpless I don’t know what to do
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